Britta Marcel Westbourne MD, Phd yet still lonely
by Franca-the-Fortress
Summary: This is an off-shoot of The Start of the Rest of My Life. Britt and Nik's relationship is a background detail and this story brings it to the forefront. It also brings tests to Britt as a doctor and as a person. Misunderstandings will arise but can Britta and Nikolas overcome them and be one. Might want to read my other story to get some context but this fic can stand alone.
1. Chapter 1

**Reading my other story will give you some background but it is not completely necessary to read because Nikolas and Britt were in the background of my other story**** The Start of the Rest of My Life. It will give you some context but this can be a standalone fic.**

"Why can't you just tell me who Ben's father is? Its not like its a matter of life and death Britt. Why are you being so dramatic about this? Britt, I can be his father in every way that counts but I have a right to know don't I? Why can't you trust me?" I want to tell Nikolas so bad but I can't. My mother already threatened me and no matter how lovely Nik is it doesn't matter. My mother is ruthless and my father is insane they can get people to take Ben at any time. I have to protect Ben because he is mine and I won't let anyone take him away from me. I need to keep my mouth shut about Jerry Jacks being Ben's bio dad because if anyone knew it could really turn ugly. I can't imagine Nik or Spencer getting hurt.

"Why do you need to know that Nik? If you love Ben it shouldn't matter who his biological father is? You didn't mind before why are you so adamant now?" We have been talking/fighting for over an hour and I don't want Spencer to overhear this.

"Because I have a right to know. Britt it doesn't matter who his father is but we are engaged which means we will be getting married and I want a marriage with no secrets. I never try to push you and I always seek to understand but I feel like I am grasping at straws when we come to this. I love you so much and so blindly and I don't mind that but you keep secrets from me and it hurts. It makes me think I am falling alone. It makes me think I love you more than you love me." Nik just makes me want to tell him so bad but I can't my dad is in the wind and my mom is always on the horizon. Something can happen at a moment's notice. If my mom had remote access to my last laptop then maybe she is always watching me waiting for me to make a mistake and pounce. Normal people thinks this is probably paranoid but I have had the misfortune of having my mother as my mother. If I were normal I would just tell him. Let him wrap me up in his embrace.

"Nikolas I trust you that has never been the problem. There's factors I cannot control and this is one of them. I love you and I have never felt this way about anyone ever. I have no illusions of love with you. I know what we have is real and tangible."

"If you really loved me you would tell me. This is all I need baby... Just tell me this one thing and if you never want to talk about your past ever again I will respect it I promise."

"I shouldn't have to prove that I love you! You should already know! You doubt my love Nik and that hurts. I told you I can't tell you because you and Spencer can get hurt in the process and I will never take that chance. I refuse to take that chance."

"Britt I can protect us! I can protect my fucking family! I am not some weak man who can't do anything for his wife and kids. If you just told me than I could protect all of us. I am asking you to be honest with me and you choose not to be. You are breaking my heart and it feels like you don't care."

"I love you Nik and my heart isn't in much better shape than yours. I can't tell you because there are things out of our control."

"Britt its just an excuse. If you can't tell me then I really don't know how we can get pass this. I can't enter a marriage knowing that secrets are between. It won't be a good foundation for our family. I can't live like this. I think it is best that we break our engagement because marriage like this would hurt us more down the road." He is breaking up with me!I want to scream and pounce but it would make no use but frighten the kids. My heart feels like its in a blender and from the look of Nik's face he feels the same.

"Umm I guess it would be best if I packed up my stuff and left huh. Do you think you could leave I know its your castle but its hard for me to be whole when you are standing so close to me."

"Britt this will always be waiting for you. I will always be waiting for you. In my heart I know you are the one for me but the secrets threaten to destroy us. This hurts me so much but if I feel like I put everything on the table and you won't do the same. I don't know what is hanging over your head but its because you choose not to confide in me that is hurting me most. Until then I can't be with you."

He shuts our bedroom door and collapse on the bed and I reach for his pillow and and I cry into it. Spencer's already asleep I can't even say bye to him. I don't know where I am going to go or what I am going to do. My body just gets up and I feel like I am having an out-of-body experience and I am getting all my shit together like a machine. I pack all of my shit and I go in search for Ben's room and do the same. Ben wakes up and I am glad he doesn't cry because right now I can't freaking handle it. I take the ferry back to the mainland and go to the parking garage for my car. I don't even move. I just sit in the car the whole night and just in a trance.

When my dashboard says 6:30 all I can think of is this is when I get up to start making Spencer his breakfast and the scar is still fresh and the tears just roll. I blink the tears away because they are clouding my vision. I need to drive to the park. I met Nikolas and Spence in the park. I just sit with my baby in the park and do nothing. I feel nothing like I am nothing. I need to call Maxie or Brad. Benjamin and Francois are far so the time difference will definitely be bad. I decide to call Maxie. I really need her right now.

I am in a daze I don't know how long it has been since I have called Maxie maybe it was one minute or one hour I really don't know all I know is I need my friend right now. She comes and I tell her what happened. We argue a little but its soon dissolved and she takes me to her apartment and sets me in the other room. She offers to watch Ben and I let her. I need some sleep. I don't know if I can but I need to try. I leave her and Dante and settle for the bed. The bed is nice but it doesn't feel like home. Its not the same sheets, its springs and not memory foam and the other side is empty. Before I could cry some more my mind let's my body rest.

When I get up I remember that I have a job. I cancel all my appointments today and tell the hospital I will not be in today. I really don't want to see Elizabeth smug face right now she is probably rejoicing at the fact she can go after Nik without my presence being there. I already miss Spencer and it feels so wrong to be here like this. Spencer woke up but it wasn't me who woke him up. I didn't take him to school. He probably thinks I abandoned him. I remember the day my mother sent me to boarding school like it was yesterday. I felt so betrayed and alone and that is the last thing I want Spencer to think about me. I am not like my mother. I want to be there always but I don't have any rights to Spence. So much is happening and its giving me a headache. I think Maxie knows that I have woken up because she knocks softly on my door.

She comes in with bacon and eggs with a glass of juice and water with what looks like Tylenol and I am so grateful to have her as a friend because I need someone right now. Money is a little tight for me right now and it sucks. Well I still have enough take home pay but hospital bills are really killing me right now. I can't always give Ben the things that he deserves and I am too proud to ask my mother because its just another way of calling me weak. I don't really like talking about why I have money problems its just makes me even sadder.

I never bothered to check my phone messages and I see that I have a couple of voice-mails from Francois and it would be nice to talk to him.

"Bonjour mon soeur, je souhaite que decrochez votre telephone! Tu me manque vraiment. Je suis a New York. Mais j'ai besoin de vous voir bientôt. Il est tres important."

Fuck Franny sounds so serious and it is making me worry. I need to call him back now. I hope nothing bad happened to his mom. I won't be able to forgive myself after I ignored his call.

I call his number and thank god he picks up.

"Allo, comment ca va Britta?"

"D'accord Franny et toi?"

"D'accord aussi."

"Tu as besoin de prendre un taxi a Port Charles. Tu peux recontrer petit Ben"

"Donnez-moi l'adresse de vous recontrer s'il vous plait."

"1420 Quartz Lane, Port Charles, New York."

"A bientôt mon amour."

"A bientôt." I think I am going to have to tap into my emergency cash. Its a good nest egg but I don't like touching that money for obvious reason but I need too. I tell Maxie I need to meet someone and I will be back much later. See asks me when and I tell her the truth... I don't know.

Francois is based at the UCLA medical center he wouldn't come here on a whim even if he wanted to see me. Something is wrong and I kinda don't want to find out. I rush to the Metro Court with Ben in tow and I ask for a room and I use the AMEX that I hate using and I know it will go through because I try to be as frugal as possible. I get us a suite we don't have to go back and forth between room. This will be my biggest purchase outside of baby stuff for this year.

Once he walks through the door I fee like time stops and all I see is him. I missed him so much and I hug him so tight and I finally let go and he looks at my little angel.

"Benito, its so nice to finally see you."

"He looks happy to see you too."

"What I don't understand is why is he not named after me. I am the better-looking brother!"

"Shut up and stop being so vain and have lunch with me."

We go and sit towards the window so we can see the view. We have small talk and he tells me the reason for his visit is a case. He tells me the particulars about this patient and their cancer. Its been a while since I have had to think like an oncologist but it comes back to me like a second skin. He said he read over my research papers from two years ago about an alternative treatment to the usual cocktail therapy and asked me if I had any patients. I told him I had two people in the treatment. I told him about their side-effects and I also told him the risks and not everyone will respond to the treatments the same.

"Who's the patient anyways?"

"Me."

"You have cancer?"

"Yes I noticed my fatigue and I didn't see the point of being in denial knowing the longer I waited the better chance I would have of not saving myself. I want to try this treatment and before you tell me no I went about this like a doctor. My health is very comparable to the two test subjects that's why I am seeking your help. Also I trust you with my life implicitly. I need you Britta now more than ever." Before I can respond I haven't noticed but I see Felix and Liz so close to us. I really can't deal with either of them right now. I am one minute from clocking Elizabeth in the nose.

"Well look at what we have here. Hello Britt who is your friend here?" Felix raises his eyebrows like something is scandalous. Why is he always in my fucking business? I get it Sabrina is your best friend I stopped bothering her a long time ago why the hell are you still inserting yourself in my life?!

"Its none of your business. What happens here is no concern of yours? Is there something you needed or did you just wanted to gawk?" Francois gives me the look and I give it right back. He can tell I don't like either one of them.

Liz starts looking between the both of us and she doesn't even say anything. Why are these losers wasting my time? If you aren't going to pay for the meal then fucking leave.

I take a cue from Francois and stare back at him. Its something we all used to do when we were younger. It was a way for us to calm each other down and it works. They notice they won't get the satisfaction of a glance from us so they leave.

We order some lunch and then we go up to our room. I tell Maxie I will be gone longer than expected but I am finding an apartment before the week is over. I thank her but I have a case and its going to keep me away for some time.

This is the last thing I needed honestly. Franny being sick is like a knife in the back from life. Mama Vivienne is already sick and the treatments are bleeding all of us dry and she may still not make it and now her youngest son is sick. Why is my life so fucking miserable? Why do the people I love taken away from me? Why am I dealt with so harshly? Why is life so cruel to me? The only good thing out of all of this is my baby. He is the light that keeps me from truly becoming something irredeemable.

I snap out of it. I become the clinical doctor I need to be. If Franny is going to survive I have to be the strong doctor with no personal drama affecting my ability. I won't allow human error to cost my brother's life. First thing I need to do is get in contact with Patrick. I can only have the best neurosurgeon consulting with me for my brother's condition. He may not like me very much but he won't let anyone suffer his ego can't handle it. I need to call Ben because Franny is going to need all the family he can get. Thank God NYU medical center isn't as far at all.

**I needed Britt to push down her personal life and become a doctor again. The loss of Nik and Spencer is colossal to her but it will never impair her ability as a doctor. She isn't one of to be faint of heart one characteristic she is glad to have taught to her by her mother. She can help people she is one of the best in the world and in this world she is recognized for it. In the last story (Maxie and Dante pairing) I explained that she befriended a kid named Ben at her boarding school and his family became Britt's family. She is close to them. Benjamin and Francois are her brothers and Mavi (Mama Vivienne) is a surrogate mother figure someone who could offer her affection and encouragement because he other mother could not. ** **The reason money is always tight for Britt is because Mavi is sick and her treatments are incredibly expensive and are not covered by her insurance because her specialist is in New York City. That's why Britt, Ben, and Fran all live in the states instead of being in Europe. It is because of Mavi. Also it should be noted that Britt's stash fund is a whole lot of money but she doesn't like using it because there could be a time when the treatments become more expensive and she wants to always be able to cover them. In reality it makes no sense why Britt would always be tight with money being a doctor and the show never mentions student loan debt or any other debt for that matter. **

**Elizabeth will definitely cause trouble and tension for Nik and Britt and that is something Britt doesn't need right now. Also I am too lazy to put the translations in so sorry you have to deal with the French. Remember Britta is from Switzerland she knows many languages from living there. French is her native tongue in my fic and probably what it should be for the character. In my head I am having the Marcels as Spanish and Swiss ethnically which is why Francois calls Ben by the name Benito which roughly means little Ben. That's just some background and yeah Nik is going to be hella jealous because Britt's brothers are hot and Elizabeth is going to misconstrue the relationship as romantic and not familial (she doesn't know anything about them being family anyways). She wants to portray Britt in an unflattering light to further her chances with Nik. I just wonder what will Nik do? Will he try to get back at Britt with Elizabeth or will he just move on with Liz and forget about Britt? Will he fight for her back and realize that Britt wants to protect him as much as he wants to protect her. This was a long author note but I thought it had to be said.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I hope the first chapter was satisfactory. I will be making another Brik fic the one I originally intended. This story is spontaneous and I just decided to go with the wind. **

I let Franny sleep in and I decide I need to go to work to get my mind off of other things. I need to have a game plan ready for him. He isn't only a patient he is also my brother and a doctor at that. I need to be prepared with facts and a plan for him. I get Ben ready for the day and I leave Francois a note saying I will be at work. When I come into work I go straight to the operating board to see if Patrick is scheduled for any surgeries today and I see he isn't. I feel my my shoulders relax a little. Hopefully Patrick won't be too busy to see me without an appointment. I take the elevator and push Ben's stroller in there and I could put Ben in the children's daycare but after the last couple of days I need him with me where ever I go.

I make my way to Patrick's office and knock on the door. He opens the door.

"Britt." Its curt and short but it isn't overtly rude

"Drake I need you." He knows its serious when I call him by his last name. He opens the door much wider so I can get Ben inside and I sit at one of the chairs in front of his desk

"Britt please don't tell me its a kid. Is it Ben?" He looks at Ben like his heart might break and I feel ashamed again for trying to pass off Jerry Jack's kid as Patrick's. I know Patrick would have been a great father to him if he had the chance.

"Britt please don't tell me its him I don't think I can handle that."

"Patrick it isn't Ben. Ben's healthy Patrick he is healthy and hungry all the time. Ben's good I promise." I would never play with Ben's health and Patrick knows that. He looks convinced that it isn't about Ben.

"Are you hear as a Pediatrician or an Ob/Gyn?" He wants to know what he is dealing with.

"I am here as an Oncologist. I have a patient with a Brain tumor. I would really like you to consult with me regarding this case. You are one of the best and the geography is best suited to come to you. If you don't feel comfortable working with me it is understood but I am sure we can find a reasonable way to keep distance if that's what you need." I need Patrick the next best neurosurgeon with credentials like Patrick is in Germany and that's way too far too travel especially with my baby.

"Relax Britt I know the next best option is Von Hauser and you can't just drive to Berlin. We never had a bad working situation and you are an amazing oncologist Britt I would be honored to work with you. Besides it only furthers my genius by collaborating on cases with the best in their fields. We may have some bad personal things among us but they don't make you any lesser as a doctor in my eyes. I moved past that and I think we can work together to help this patient. Now that we have that out of the way give me the facts."

I start to tell him about my research papers that were published two years ago and my patients for those trials and their results. I then tell him about my new patient and how I would like to expand on my research and use this treatment on him. I tell Patrick of how compatible this patient is with my two test subjects from before. Although that is an extremely small number (because its not like I go around wishing people get brain cancer) it is vital that their results are widely known because similar people health wise can potentially be helped with similar treatments.

We talk for about three hours. The folder contents is all over his desk. I know I have to feed Ben soon and damn he looks so zonked out its probably from hearing all the scientific mumbo jumbo. He looks so peaceful and I stop listening to Patrick and I just look at my baby.

"Sometimes I wish he was mine." The sentence cuts through the room.

"I know Patrick sometimes I wish that too. Patrick you are such a good dad and I know one day you will have another and you will do just as good a job you are doing with Emma." It makes him smile and I am only telling the truth. Patrick's a good man and anyone would be lucky to have him as a father.

We get back to discussing the case and Patrick tells me who is fully on board and he can devote time with me to do further research and it makes me feel so at ease and I feel the tension in my shoulders dissipating a little.

"Why is this case so important to you?"

"I am a doctor and its my job to make sure my patients get the best care possible."

"Britt it seems like than that. I can read it in your body language."

"Its my little brother. Well he isn't so little but you know what I mean."

"That cop has brain cancer and he is on duty. Britt I don't need to explain to you how bone-headed that is."

"No! Nathan doesn't have cancer and its my surrogate brother. I didn't even know Nathan existed until recently. My mom was a shotty mother and someone else picked up the slack. I have two other brothers Benjamin and Francois and Franny is the brother with cancer. He's a medical doctor and knows what kinds of precautions he needs to go through to maximize his survival rate." Before I can continue my verbal diarrhea there's a knock at the door.

Its a rude kind of knock because the person just opens the door themselves instead of letting the Patrick open the door and ask them what they need. Patient information and conversation about patients between doctors is confidential. I turn and I see it is probably the last person I ever want to see...

"Wicked Britch, How are you? I'm surprised you haven't melted yet." I roll my eyes this kid has the lamest of jokes.

"What can I do for you Felix?" Patrick voice has an edge and I suppress the urge to smirk because diva extraordinaire looks affronted at the tone.

"Well I was hoping to speak to you in private."

"Is it important? Can it wait Britt and I have things to do." Felix eyebrow raises comically and he scowls at me.

"Why are you even talking to Britch? Is she trying to find a way to con you into something." I really do hate this dude. He is such a sanctimonious piece of shit who thinks he can talk to me anyway he likes.

"Hey Felix, I am going to say this once and only once because I am so tired of you. My name is Britta not Britch not Dr. Westnile or any of your other petty lame names. I think it would be in your best interest to call me Dr. Westbourne. You can keep your comments to yourself and your friends. You won't be calling me pathetic lame names and expect me to answer them. If you keep with calling me anything other than my given title I will have harassment accusations filed with Human Resources. Do you need to speak with Patrick about something important or can it wait because we have better things to do then waiting for you to finish gossip. If you spent as much time being a nurse as you are a gossip you would get better peer reviews." I am only stating the truth. He thinks he can fucking call me by some lame name and I will answer he is stupid. I am done with all of this bull shit. I ain't taking anymore shit from any of them especially not some gossip queen or Elizabitch.

He seems not too like this but guess what Felix I don't give a fuck. I am not in the mood for anyone to try to get under my skin and especially refuse to let him win. He just walks away without saying anything. I guess whatever he had to say wasn't important. Patrick just closes the door and laughs and looking at him laugh just makes me lose control and I start laughing too. We get back to work soon though and we create a plan and Patrick tells me he doesn't have any surgeries planned for the new future and that he is doing some minor consulting on cases but other than that he is all mine. I am super happy that I got Patrick on this case. The last time I conducted trials I didn't really have any input from surgeons on the research side of it and I feel this trial is going to be so much better.

"Britt I would be honored to help you on this case and I can only hope we are successful."

"Thank you so much Patrick, it means a lot for you to help me especially considering our history but I am happy you can over look my past transgressions to help me especially on this case."

"I forgave you a long time ago Britt but I should have probably told you that a long time ago. I'll see you tomorrow bright and early. Will I be seeing Ben there as well?"

"Yeah probably the last couple of days have been hard and he makes it easier so I have probably been a little smother bugger but the root word in smother is mother right? He probably won't be with us after a week. I just need a little time to adjust and I will be back to being badass in no time."

"Well I think its nice to have been attend some field trips even though he won't know anything we are talking about."

"Yeah all we can do is put him to sleep." I get up from the chair and my butt feels numb and tingly when I get up I hate when that happens. I need to remind myself for Patrick to get better chairs.

He comes over and hugs me and I am shocked but I welcome it. Small things like this makes you believe that people can truly care even when they don't have too. He tells me its going to be okay and we will do this together and I believe him because I have too. I can't afford to think about failure because its not just some patient on a piece of paper. Normally its a conflict of interest for me to be involved in the care of family but no one can help Franny like I can and with Patrick helping me I know I have a fighting chance.

Patrick opens the door for me and I carefully steer Ben in his stroller he is going to be waking soon so he can get fed.

"Britt..." Of all people in the world to see of course it would be "...Patrick."

"Nikolas." Patrick just says curtly. I never understood the underlying tension between the two. Is it my fault? Was it always there beforehand? With Nik being there it makes me feel so frazzled I want to run but I keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.

"Why were you in Patrick's office? Is Ben okay?" Nik face goes from stoic to concerned and it warms my heart a little that he is so concerned for Ben.

"No, Nik it isn't about Ben. Not that is any of your business but Patrick and I are discussing work."

"Britt you are always my business." Is it weird that it makes me hot when he gets all possessive and he just looks into my eyes and I kinda feel like I am becoming a puddle of mush. And it gets awkward when Patrick clears his throat. I thank Patrick for the help and I bid Nik adieu and I hightail it out of there like a bat out of hell because I am wearing the wrong kind of bra and my nipples are hard and completely visible in the company of two guys I have had sex with and my baby.

**So yeah I am done with this chapter. Britt has finally told Felix off for good and I think this time it will stick. Sorry I don't like Felix at all. He is the kind of person I ever avoid of having social interaction with in real life. He is the type of best friend that tells everyone your business and he is incredibly judgmental and a jerk who thinks he can justify his behavior because someone hurt his friend. If you like Felix that is your right but I won't be writing him any different if he appears. I never see him being a nurse. He is always spreading the local news like its 5:00. In other news Patrick and Britt teaming up is going to make Nikolas go a little green with envy. How will this effect him and Britt in the long run? Will this be the justification Nik needs to seek out Elizabeth for solace? Will Elizabeth be the bony shoulder for Nik to cry on? Let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

Ugh that was so awkward. I make it to the elevators and I just need to get out of there. The only thing worse than what happened before is if I had to be subjected to Elizabeth making googly eyes at Nik. I should stop by my office to see if anything is on the horizon for me. I should start clearing some of my schedule because I will only be able to handle a few cases when I get deep into the research. I know I won't be able a full caseload, doing the research and trial for Fran and be a mom to Ben. Ben has to be number one in everything because I wouldn't forgive myself if Ben walks or talks and I am not there because I am doing everything for everyone else.

I need to start referring some of my patients to some other Ob/Gyns since I won't be able to devote as much time and energy to expectant mothers. I pick up all my files from the bin on my door and I slip them in my tote and I am ready to go home. I am waiting for the elevator to come so I can get out of here because I know having my luck some messed up shit will happen. And of course it does because when the elevators open its Elizabitch. I wish I could fucking take the damn stairs but Ben's stroller makes it difficult. I just get in and hopefully she can keep her trap shut.

"Hey Britt."

"Elizabeth."

"How are you?"

"Why would you care how I am doing?"

"Britt I am just trying to make conversation okay. You don't have to always be unpleasant."

"Excuse me sorry I won't be fake with you. Don't come with the fakeness because you don't act like this when others are around. Don't try to come at me with the fake innocence I see right through that shit. When you have your little catty nurse friends you are ready to be smug but when you are by yourself you aren't nearly as confident because you know I could kick your ass and you won't act so bold. Next time you happen to meet me don't bother speaking because we both would rather not. Go be pleasant with other people." The elevator of course gets stuck this day can only get better.

"I seriously don't know what Nikolas could ever see in you. You are just rotten. I feel sorry for your son that he will have to have you as a mother because you are so ridiculously rude."

"Why does everything have to come back to Nikolas? That's all you ever think about. Don't think I don't know about you professing your 'love' to Nik when you knew he asked me to marry him. Have some respect for yourself and don't be a fool. Second I am unpleasant to you because we are not friends and I refuse to be friendly with someone who tries to undermine my relationship and family. You are only 'pleasant' when no one is around. Don't try to make conversation with me because you know you would never do that if you could help yourself. If it makes me rude to not want to speak to someone who I know doesn't like me and is always ready to try to steal like a thief in the night than you call me rude." Thank God the elevator starts working again. I would hate to get stuck there all day with this woman.

"Whatever Britch."

"Whatever Elizabitch." I say that as the elevator opens and the fucking prince is standing there. Of course something like this would happen and now Nikolas is going to side with fair Elizabeth because all he hears is me calling her by that name. It is so fucking typical the universe would do shit like this to me. Yeah I know I am not the nicest but the fakest people never get exposed for who they truly are. He comes in and I don't know what to expect honestly. Nikolas comes to my side puts his hand on the small of my back and kisses my cheek like we didn't break up a couple of days ago and it throws me for a loop. I thought he would just side with Elizabeth since they have been friends since they were teenagers.

He greets Elizabeth and it makes me feel good when I see she doesn't appreciate Nikolas's hand is on me. Call me petty but I relish the moment.

"Britt I forgot to ask how is that Frenchman you were with yesterday doing?"

"He isn't French. He is Swiss like I am and he is fine thanks for asking." She got exactly what she wanted because Nik drops his hand from my back.

"Isn't like the same thing?" I can hear the smugness in her tone.

"No it isn't." Nik answers before I can put her in her place.

"Would it be the same thing to call you English because you speak the same language as people from England or Canadian because you share a border with them and speak the same language?"

"No that's stupid because I am American."

"Okay then you answered your own question." Finally the fucking parking lot I get out before the doors can open all the way. I get to my car and get Ben strapped in and put his stroller in the trunk and I get out. The traffic is average it doesn't take me long to get back to the Metro Court. I get up to my room and I know I need to feed Ben. He is never fussy and I am so glad for that because I am already annoyed and I don't want to inadvertently take it out on him. This day has yielded some good results and I can't wait to tell Francois about it. It is still early in the day so I don't know what else to do. After I get Ben fed I start looking for apartments I can rent. I find a couple that are affordable. I set up some appointments with the landlords. I can't help but start researching since I have nothing to do in the mean time. Ben is playing with his blocks in the playpen so he is in his world doing what he does.

Two hours pass by and I am deep into writing notes. I am studying research journals and recording anything that I find relevant to this case. The door opens and Franny is wearing a smile and it makes me feel good.

"Bonsoir, Britta."

"Bonsoir, Francois."

"So tell me why did you leave so early in the morning, you are always so vague."

"I had to speak to someone today. That's what I want to tell you about. I never told you but I work with Patrick Drake and it was him who I went to go see. I wanted him to consult with on this case. Well not just consult but I wanted to partner up. The problem with my trials was that it was hard to get any neurosurgeons to help me because they are always so busy with cases and surgeries. I have always thought if I has help from a neurosurgeon then it would be easier in the long run and the treatments wouldn't take as long."

"Drake is one of the best in the world this could be very good for us."

"Yes it is going to be very good for us. I told him about the case and he was intrigued. This is the first time where when I asked a surgeon for help they were able to give it. The reason my trials took such a long time was that I didn't have any collaborators they could only do the surgeries because their plates were so full."

"Well there is no need to tell me that Britta I know first hand how surgeries can rule your life." Of course he would being a heart surgeon.

"Patrick and I are going to start with our research tomorrow and I think we will do well."

"Okay let's switch gears and stop talking about me. You are getting married! When am I going to meet the guy who wants to marry my sister."

"Umm about that its complicated but we kind of broke up but I am hopeful that we won't be broken up for long but I honestly don't know."

"What do you mean just broke up? When?"

"A couple of days ago. It's complicated we love each other but there's some things that stand in between us."

"Let me guess your mother?" Of course it is my mother she has been making my life difficult since I could formulate thoughts.

"She is a hurdle but its really my past mistakes that is the biggest challenge. He is the one I want and I think in time it will happen but right now I have more important things to worry about."

"Britta your happiness is important and don't get that lost in the shuffle like you always seem to do." Yes my happiness matters but it can wait because brain cancer could care less about my happiness.

"I need to do this trial first everything else besides Ben and you can take a backseat right now including Nikolas."

"I know when not to fight you about things and this seems to be one of those times."

"Let's go out to eat I want to eat something delicious and incredibly bad for me." I just want to forget about everything for a while."

"Lead the way you know this place better than I do."

I decide an all-around good place that isn't too expensive for us is Kelly's. I drive us over there and I want a whole bunch of stuff to eat. I know I am an emotional eater and right now it is in overdrive. The stress from the days are starting to creep in.

I park and I get Ben all ready in his stroller with his teddy bear Spencer gave to him. Francois opens the door for me to get in and I feel that thing you get in your back when you feel people are watching you. I see Nik and Elizabeth having coffee and I am done I can't compete with that nor should I have too. Friends my ass. I am not really insecure but someone can only have so much patience. She is always waiting in the shadows for her chance. Well now she has it since we are done. I definitely am not staying here I tell Franny we are getting plates to go. I get a whole bunch of food for myself and Fran gets a burger and fries for himself. While we wait by the bar I have my milkshake. It doesn't take long for our food to arrive and I don't even wait I just leave with Ben because I don't wish to be there any longer. I just wait in the car and my brother finally gets in.

"Let me guess that is the fiancé."

"Ex-fiancé is the correct title."

"Why is he with the woman from yesterday?"

"She is his friend since they were teenagers."

"Well from what I gather she doesn't look like she wants to be a friend with him. Is she a reason why the two of you are not together."

"I think so but he doesn't see it that way and it frustrates me because he makes it seem like I am just jealous but she wants to be with him. How do I tell him I don't want him to be friends with her because I know she wants him. He makes it seem like I am overreacting and I am not. How can I get married to a man and a woman who wants him serves as a best friend. How can someone be okay with that? She makes my life full of drama. She and her nurse friends make it their mission to never leave me alone."

"Why don't you tell him this?"

"It is like speaking to brick wall. He just tries to placate me until I forget about it. He says things like 'we have been friends forever' like that is a justification for me always feeling uncomfortable. It is something she preys on so she can stay in the picture."

"Well you are not making him sound like such a good guy."

"Francois he is and he is a great father he can just be oblivious towards people who are close to him because of how long they have been in his life. Just because he always want to see the good in people isn't always a bad thing because that's the reason he even gave me the time of day. Always trying to be trusting of people's intentions doesn't make you a bad person just a tad bit naïve."

"You are defending his reasoning for hurting you. He may be too trusting but if he wants to marry you he shouldn't be quick to say she is my friend especially if he knows that isn't entirely true. Sometimes you need to let go of the past to get on with the future or you could get left behind too. You don't deserve to feel uncomfortable because his friend wants to be more than that. If he is with you then she needs to understand that and accept it or so she can go because who is she to have a say in your relationship. Britta don't let yourself lose what you want because you don't stand firm. Stop being conciliatory if it means you end up losing. You are my sister and you deserve the best and I won't let anyone treat you like that when I am around."

Finally sees it from my side. My feelings matter too and my brother is right I don't deserve to be put in a place like that. Next time if I am in a situation like that I am going to tell Nik that something has got to give because I can't handle him saying I am being unreasonable or not fair to Elizabeth. He isn't being fair to me be dismissing my feelings.

**This chapter took forever to write because my laptop gave out on me and I need to buy a new one so right now I am reduced to using my tablet. I had a hard time with this because I am a person that likes the real keyboard of a computer. It takes me so much longer with the tablet to write because it tries to speak for me in word and autocorrect words when I don't want it too. It makes me misspell names and it corrects curse words and it slows me down immensely but I don'tcare because Brik is worth the frustration and more. I hope this chapter was decent because its like Microsoft Word on here is ready to tell me I am wrong and they fix it their way without asking me to add an alternate spelling. Forgive any errors I did not catch I will attempt to fix them later. Anyways Britt and Parrick are going to start their collaboration. Britt went to Kelly's to relax and sees Nik and Liz there and it sure doesn't make her feel better. What were Liz and Nik even talking about. Will Liz smell the blood in the water and come to pounce? Will Nik even stop her? Will Nik try to get even when he sees Britt around two men that are incredibly attractive? I wonder will he get the wrong idea and do something he will regret? Will Britt and Nik hurt each other without even knowing that they are? I guess only time will tell.**


	4. Chapter 4

I get up today and I think its going to be a good day today. After the awkwardness of yesterday I was so ready to wash everything away and start anew. I am glad I am turning back into a semblance of my old self. For so long I bit my tongue and let these people talk down to me and I barely did anything to stop them. Let's see if it worked or not. This is the first real day I am going to do research with Patrick and right now Ben can still come with me since most of the time it will just be review and research on the computer. I am going to bring a portable playpen today so he isn't stuck in a stroller all day and he can play with his beloved blocks and Teddy his little bear.

I tell Francois to go look at the apartments for me and get the best one available for price and space. I need to get an apartment soon because the rates for the Metro Court is astounding. I can't imagine people who choose to live in a hotel. I have all of Ben's food in my bag and I have my folders for my work and I am thinking to myself is there anything else I am missing...

I get to the hospital and I go to the floor for the research wing. I text Patrick to see where he is and he tells me he is running a little late dropping off Emma to school he will be there when he can. I tell him its okay I'll be in research lab B. Its understandable to be late when you have kids its so easy to lose track of time. I never really got the concept until Ben made his arrival.

"Hey, sorry I was late. I woke up late which made Emma late and the whole chain reaction happened."

"Patrick its no biggie I just came less than 10 minutes ago and you don't need to explain the concept of being late with a kid in tow. I am a pediatrician and I have Ben its easy for me to understand to be tardy."

"Yeah but it was my fault. I overslept and made everything difficult after. I got stuck in traffic and Emma was late 30 minutes."

"Patrick everyone is allowed some off days during the year. You are a good dad who overslept its not the end of the world. You have a very high stress job and you are a single-parent its not easy but you are doing the best you can."

"Thanks I sometimes feel overwhelmed with it all but I deal with it. So what exactly are we doing today?"

"Well we are going to go over my old notes and see if we can find similar research to see if anything can be of use to us and start detailing a plan that will be most helpful to us."

"What kind of team do you usually work with? Did you have any nurses in mind?"

"When I did my last set of trials my main team was two nurses and I got help from fellow research doctors I used to go to school with but they were just consulting with me because they also had their own trials to conduct. Although General Hospital has some good staff I don't like the picking of nurses to choose from. I don't choose to subject myself to any of them willingly. Either they are sub-par or they are adequate but petty and cannot have a professional relationship with me. I asked former nurses I used to work with at Columbia University Medical Center to come. They are really good both have Ph.D.s in sciences and nursing. I believe you will learn from them I know I do. They'll be here starting next week. I already asked the hospital and it was granted because of the past success of my trials."

"I can understand why you looked elsewhere. They sound more than qualified so I guess we are good on the nurses front."

"Yeah its like having two extra researchers in tow and they are a big reason for my past success."

We dive into work and after about four hours I know I have to feed Ben and play with him for a while because he must be bored now. I know he loves his blocks but not even he could be interested after four hours. I blame myself for not noticing sooner because I was so deep in research mode I forgot my baby was even in the room. I get up and Patrick looks like he was going to say something but he stops when he sees I am going towards Ben. I pick my beautiful Benito and tell him he is such a good baby for being patient with me. I shower him with kisses and it seems to make him content because he leans in and closes his eyes. I know I need this as much as he does because it grounds me and calms me down from the frenzy I get from doing research.

Patrick stops working too and says he is going get us both some lunch from the cafeteria and I tell him hold on so I can give him some money and he tells me not to worry about it. He says I can just buy lunch tomorrow and I tell him we have a deal. I already have the perfect prank for tomorrow that will definitely pack at least a chuckle.

I realized I didn't even tell him what I wanted but I am so hungry I could just about anything even Ben's baby food. In our free time I show Ben some videos on YouTube for developing babies and he seems to be interested enough and happy with his bottle of apple juice. Patrick comes back with some chicken and mac and cheese and man does that seem appetizing. We have lunch and have small talk. I ask him how Emma is doing and he seems surprised but he answers telling me about her summer adventures and how she can't wait to start school again to see all her friends back from summer vacation. We eat the rest of our food in compatible silence nice we both need to respond to our emails. It seems like it would be the best time to do so because nothing is more distracting from research than replying to emails.

As the hours pass Ben falls asleep again and I think it is time to call it a day. I think we have gotten enough done for today. Patrick doesn't want to stop which is so typical of a surgeon. They always want to see a task completed in the shortest amount of time versus researchers who know all the answers won't appear in a day and you have to pace yourself or you will burn out and never see a project through. I tell him he has to get back to his life or things will pass him by. Francois health is important and he even knows you don't get the results you want in a day its an arduous road made even more difficult when you have a busy life outside of the lab. I text my brother Ben to tell him about the first day and he feels hopeful as a brother but skeptical as a doctor. I tell him he needs to have on my abilities and trust I have a good collaborator in Drake.

I get my car and put on Ben's favorite song on repeat (St. Lucia- Closer Than This). I don't know if he understands but the song makes him so happy and he laughs the whole car ride long and that is music to my ears. We make our way back to the hotel and meet Franny in the lobby. He says he will treat me to dinner in the restaurant in the hotel and I am just glad it isn't Kelly's. I tell him how today how today went and I am just glad he was a little more positive than Ben. I know he doesn't mean to try but it sucks when I feel undermined in my capacity as a doctor.

I get back to the hotel and Franny is waiting for me in the lobby and we all go to the restaurant. It isn't busy tonight so we get seated right away. I put Ben in the booster seat they have for babies and feed him some mashed carrots. I decide I am going to have more of an adult type entrée tonight and I settle for the lobster ravioli and Fran gets the chicken parm. Our food comes out and Ben looks so jealous that he has to eat carrots while we eat festive and colorful food. I would be jealous too if I were kid and all I could eat right now is mush.

Our dinner is so good and I tell Francois about the work that got done today and I wonder what is he going to do in the meantime while he isn't working. He says that he is doing consulting with numerous doctors around the world via Skype and that's what will be his main income for the foreseeable future. He tells me how the apartment hunting went and he found some places he thinks would be best for me and he shows me the pictures. I like the second apartment for the best but I still want to see them in person before I make a decision.

When we get back to the hotel suite I realize how tired I am. I just want to relax now. I tell Franny good night and I go to my room and put the volume on a comfortable level and change both of our clothes into pajamas. I see that they have Finding Nemo on the TV and don't babies just love all that animated shit so I guess it would be a good movie for Ben to watch.

As the movie goes on I start crying a little bit because its about a parent trying to find their son after they get captured and hold my little Ben tighter. He just loves all the colors from the movie I guess but when it gets to the end and Nemo and Marlin are reunited his two chubby arms comes together and he starts clapping and giggling and he says something that sounds like yay and I realize Ben is saying yay! My baby is saying his first word and pull him closer to me and we say yay together because Nemo has Marlin and I have my little Ben. The day couldn't have been any better because I got to hear Ben's first word and he is happy and safe and that's all I could ever hope for. Ben doesn't look tired so he will probably be able to watch half way into another movie before he gets sleepy. I settle for the Lion King because he doesn't love the Lion King.

I get into the movie as soon as it starts. I remember watching it for the first time like it was yesterday. My mom never used to let me watch movies because she said silly things like movies weaken the mind and it sucked going to school and hearing the other kids talk about the movies they watched and I could never join in because I was banished from such an activity. I remember Mavi bringing us to the cinema to watch the Lion King. It was my first movie and I was barely in my double digit years and I worth definitely worth the wait because it is still my favorite movie.

My heart breaks when it gets to the sort of Mufasa saving Samba only to be betrayed by his brother and he dies. To be betrayed by family hurts the most especially to be deceived by a brother and an uncle. Before I can get my own proper cry Ben starts wailing and I hold him and try to figure out what is wrong. He can't be hungry and he doesn't need a new diaper.

He keeps crying and I don't know how to make it better. I feel like a bad mom because I can't even find out what's wrong with my son. Instantly crying myself because I am frantic I am trying to calm him and he ain't having it. I get his Teddy his bear from Spence and hope that can make him feel better. He goes for his bear and he cries into the bear and he keeps saying something but it doesn't sound like yay.

"Da... Da... Da... Da..." He keeps saying the same thing over and over through his cries and I surmise he needs Nikolas. But I don't know what to do because Nik and I just broke up and we are barely even speaking but Ben won't stop his crying and I go to my computer. I go to my Skype and see that Nikolas isn't online but Spence is and I video call him and he answers.

"Britt! Why aren't you here anymore I miss you and you left me and you need to come back and why is Ben crying? Why are you on Skype when Ben is hysterically crying Britt?!"

I am still crying myself and I tell Spencer I need Nik right now and he runs away from the computer and I can see he was in the living room.

"Dad you have to come its an emergency please..." Even Spencer voice isn't even.

"Okay Spencer what is so important that you need to drag me in here?"

Spencer rips the headphones from the computer and you can hear Ben's crying reverberate and Nik sees me and Ben on the computer.

"Nik he needs you please."

"Hey buddy I am right here. Its okay... Are you being a good boy for mommy?" I don't know if Ben completely understands but he nods slightly and he stops crying. And starts saying Dada and the mic picks up his words because we can see through the screen that it makes Nik happy. He holds Teddy in one arm and tries to go through the computer to get to Nikolas. Ben doesn't understand why he can't go through the computer and reach for Nikolas so he bangs on the screen like that will help and it makes all of us laugh. My little Ben chuckles and I feel at ease and I feel guilty. Ben misses Nik and Spencer misses me but my resolve can't change. If my family has to be like this in order to keep them safe then I will because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to any of my men if the truth came out.

"Dad maybe we should spend a day together tomorrow and it will make Ben feel better." I can see the gears turning in Spencer's head already and my guy is always scheming and normally I love it but the problems between Nik and I won't be changing anytime soon no matter how much time we spend together.

"Spencer I think that is a good idea what about you Britt. I am mostly free tomorrow how about you?" he is giving me that look he always does that makes me weak-willed.

"I have to go to work tomorrow..." I can see Spencer deflating before my eyes and before I can stop the bad idea from spewing out of my mouth "... but I could try to finish early and hangout with you guys." Spencer does his happy dance before I am completely done with my sentence. I tell Nick he can come by the hospital because I have to go in early to pick up Ben and I will text him when I am finished with work. He agrees and he talks to Ben one last time.

"Ben my little boy you are going to spend the day with your Daddy and Spencer tomorrow and Mommy will come later. You like the sound of that buddy?" Ben just sleepily agrees and I am thankful Nik was home or else I don't know what would have happened.

**Now Britt is going to have to go to work nervous because she is going to drop off Ben with Nik and it will be the first time they have spoken to each other with no one between them since the break up. I wonder what is going to happen, how the dynamic between the unlikely family will be and how will Nik and Britt be able to act around each other with their kids present. Normally I do my best to not insert any part of myself in the stories unless its plausible for a character and I to have similar taste like the Lion King because what kid didn't think that was one of the most awesome things to see. The song Closer Than This by St. Lucia was a selfish add in by me because I thought it is a song that I think many kids would like especially babies because it gives good vibes. Anyways it will take me longer to churn chapters because I am forced to write my stories on my tablet and I am not versed in that yet but I am trying my best so I can get them to you as soon as I can. **


	5. Chapter 5

Today is a new day and I am a little worried. I have to hangout with Nikolas and Spencer today and I am scared. I don't like the easiness that comes with doing something like this. It makes me ache for something that isn't feasible right now. Nikolas and I have numerous issues on both sides we need to work through. Ben why did you have to get so attached to Nikolas. I wonder if Ben has been plotting this like Spencer has. I know its idiotic to think a baby could do something like this but we really don't know what's going through their heads. My baby could be a freaking Mozart and I don't even know it. Ben is being quiet today but I think its because I think he knows today is going to be a big event for him. I get all his food ready the day. He has a new affinity for applesauce so I pack an extra one of those for today.

I set out for the hospital and we are off. I play Ben's song like I always do because I think he may wig out if he doesn't hear it daily. Even I get into it. Its easy to listen too and it mellows you out. We get to the hospital and go to Research Lab B. I tell Patrick that Ben and I are there and he tells me he is dropping off Emma now and should be at the GH in as little as ten minutes. Ben and I get started on our respective tasks. He plays with Legos and Teddy is right hand man or bear I should say. I get started where I left off from yesterday.

Patrick announces his presence and ask that I buy him breakfast instead of lunch since he didn't have enough time this morning and I say absolutely no problem. I pull out apple sauce and Cheerios. I tell him if he wanted breast milk or milk from the cow and his face is priceless. I keep my face straight even though I want to lose it because he is just staring with his mouth open that flies could come right in. I just laugh at Drake and hit him on the back lightly. Anytime Ben hears me laugh he just laughs too even if he never really finds it funny. I memorize what Patrick wants and I take my little chunky monkey with me. Ben and I get into the elevator and I can't help myself and I just smother my baby in kisses and he gives me his sign of approval. I didn't really know how but my life just revolves around this little being. I realize Ben is all the happiness I need anything else is just icing on the cake. Before the elevator doors completely close a hand sticks itself in front and its a little startling. The doors open and I see its Sabrina and whoa can it get any more awkward? I don't really talk to Sabrina and I don't ever have any reason too.

"Uhh... Hey Britt, how are you?"

"I'm good how are you doing?" It has never been hard to be polite to Sabrina because she did me a solid by delivering my baby.

"I'm doing good I see Ben is growing up quite nicely." I turn and see that she is giving my baby a soft smile. It puts me more at ease.

"Thanks Ben is growing way too quickly for my liking but unfortunately it isn't something I can slow down no matter how much I want too." It is true I don't want Ben to grow up. I want my baby to stay as is and just be.

"I wish to know what that's like one day." I hear hospital gossip even though I don't partake in it but I heard her and Patrick called it quits months ago from her "best friend's" mouth of all people. The whole point of a best friend is to be a safeguard of secrets and trust not someone who delivers the news as soon as it comes out. I wonder if she knows Félix talks about her business when she isn't there.

"Sabrina I don't doubt that you will. It will come and when it does you are not going to know what to do with yourself. You just become aware of everything and everyone and its terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. Its everything and nothing I ever thought it would be.

We make small talk and its weird but we are getting along quite fine but it always seem there is someone ready to make everything uncomfortable.

"_Dr. Westbourne._"

"Nurse Dubois" Man I miss his sister she was a bitch after my own heart.

"I will just be taking Nurse Santiago and we will be in our way." He starts to pull on Sabrina's arm and it's making her wince and sh e snatches her arm away from Félix.

"Félix stop!" Félix face is shocked and I love every second of it. He just narrows his eyes at me and walks away.

We start talking again as we get our breakfast and she tells me that all of the nurses have heard about my case and want to join. I tell her the truth I already have my nurses from the last run of cases and its easier for me RI bring them back because they are also researchers. I know she is kind of sad that she won't be in the running but if I had to choose she wouldn't be in the running. Not because she isn't a decent nurse but it would be awkward for her working with Patrick in such an intimate environment. I already see the tension when they casually see each other in the hospital. I can't afford any distractions its someone life I am dealing with and the fact its my brother makes me play it close to the vest.

We get our breakfast and she invites me to her table and I politely say no. One its a table that includes Liz and Félix and two I have to get back to work. But I do tell her next time I have a case I will keep her in mind. She is one of the better reviewed nurses so maybe. It doesn't take me long to get back to Research Lab B I don't even have to open the door because Patrick can smell the food from outside. He takes the bag away from me and I can't help but arch my eyebrow.

"What took you so long Britt I am dying over here. I had to do things I wasn't proud of." I look around and I see my baby bag has been rifled through.

"Did you eat my baby's food?"

"It's not even that bad really and applesauce is applesauce."

"Did you want curl up with Teddy while you are at it. I can't believe you actually ate Ben's food."

"Puréed Banana taste freaking awesome. Who is Teddy?"

"My baby's bear."

"Haha funny but you took so long I didn't know what to do so it was the only option available."

"There's a vending machine at the end of the corner Patrick."

"Uhhh... but it isn't healthy and this baby food is as healthy as it gets."

"Well yeah its healthy but key words are baby food."

"You will tell no one of this... ever!"

"Look everybody the mighty Dr. Drake is pathetically hungry he resorted to eating my baby's food. Come on Ben let's get you to play even though the man ate your food."

"Hey to be fair I didn't even eat all of it. I know babies have to eat." he is guzzling the orange juice like someone might take it away form him.

I text Nikolas telling him Ben and I are at the hospital so when he gets here to just text or call. We get back to work as I get deep into work mode my phone vibrates out of nowhere and Nik tells me he is at GH with Spencer. I tell Patrick I will be right back. I go to the main entrance of GH. And of course I can't have one day without seeing Nikolas speaking to Liz and she has that "I love you" face.

"Britt!" Spencer comes running to me and hugs my legs with all his might and this kid getting strong. He stays by my side I throw my free arm over his shoulder and walk towards the two. Nikolas is giving me a smile I have never seen on his face but I return the smile anyways. I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself when it comes to Nik.

"Hello Britt."

"Elizabeth." Anyways I turn towards Nikolas and I know I am rude but I could care less. Liz sees she isn't going to get the attention she wants when Ben is trying to jump from my arms to Nikolas.

"Hey buddy I am guessing you missed me. I missed you too. I miss your mommy and you a whole lot." he shifts his eyes from Ben to me and he is trying to make me melt and it is somewhat working until I remember Elizabeth was just here and she had her googly eyes for Nik.

Spencer asks why am I not joining them yet and I tell him I don't visit the hospital for fun I work here. I will be with them later and this gives them time to do whatever it is that guys do. I give Spencer a long hug and I want to give my chunky monkey a little kiss. As reach I for him Nikolas wraps his arm around my waist and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I am little dazed because breathing the same air as Nik is definitely not a good thing. Before I can get into it I kiss Ben and go back into the hospital.

Damn him for trying to use his sexy against me. I make it back to the research lab and Patrick looks a little concerned for me because I am still a little all over the place. I tell him I am going to be okay. We get back to work and the silence is something that centers me and channels my focus to the task at hand. I think we will be able to get started sooner with all the help I am being provided with. Ben is going to be here next week for a week and I think he will be happy with the results. I also will have start the cocktail with Franny and see how his body responds to it. My professional life is always above board but my personal life is another story.

It is getting close to 3 and Patrick tells me if we can call it a day because he needs to pick up Emma and its the first time in a long time that he has been able to do something like this. I tell him well duh I am not some ball and chain researcher who demands you stay and plus I have my own stuff I have to do. I tell Nik I am done for the day. He texts me they aren't far and he will be waiting by the front entrance for me.

Nik has my car anyways so its not like I can do anything else. I pack up all my stuff and I text my brother telling him I will be late tonight.

I make my way out the hospital please do not let me see anyone I just might strangle. I am going through my emails and I hear a honk I see Spencer waving at me and I am oddly excited.

"So what are we going to do?"

"I bought some picnic food and thought we could go to the park. They have a playground and we could just enjoy the outdoors."

"Did you reapply sunscreen to Ben?"

"Yes Britt I know. He is a baby and he skin is sensitive."

I turn in the passenger seat and ask

"What about you Spencer did you remember to put on sunscreen?"

"Dad forgot about me! He didn't even put on any either."

"Spencer..."

"Its the truth Britt." I go in my bag and get the spray bottle for Spencer to put on and the cream for his face. I know Nik can feel the look I am giving him but he keeps his eyes on the road.

"Don't think you are getting out of this you will be putting on some as well." Ben is doing his whine and I know what means

"I know Britt." Nikolas tells me his agreement. I go through my bag and plug-in my IPod and put on his favorite song and he hubs chubby arms come together to clap.

Its an easy silence that goes through the car and Nikolas picks up my hand and just holds it in his and in don't fight. This song makes me not want to fight it either.

We get to park and I start setting up a picnic area and I am more tired then I thought because I am falling asleep on the blanket. Well I would still be asleep if Ben would stop hitting me. Nikolas gives me a club sandwich and I guess that is picnic food when you are royalty. Its just the way I like it and man is it good. Spencer carries Ben over to the baby swings and pushes Ben gently and both of them enjoy it. Nikolas is watching them and I am watching my sandwich.

"I miss you Britt."

He doesn't take his off the kids but he makes sure I hear and I don't know what to say.

"I miss you too Nikolas but I don't know how are problems will be solved."

"I don't have the answers but I felt like I had to tell you this. Maybe one day you will be able to tell me." it is not like we only have one issue and I certainly want things resolved but Ben's paternity isn't the only issue.

"Nik maybe one day you will be able to tell Elizabeth back off. Please don't interrupt me before I can finish my sentence. I know you have known Elizabeth since you guys were teenagers. Good I am glad you have had a friendship that long but she doesn't only want friendship. I know she wants more and please don't try to tell me I am overreacting because each time you do it makes me want to cry. I know I don't make it up. I can't compete with Elizabeth and I won't. If you want to be with me you have to take my concerns instead trying to sweep it under the rug. She tries to undermine our relationship in hopes you will be with her. Nikolas if that's who you want then please don't do things like hold my hand and tell me you miss me. It makes me feel like she is always on the side so when you get tired of this she is waiting in the wings to become my replacement. I may hold secrets but you keep valuing a friendship over our family and how can I compete with that. I don't even know how us being separated affects Ben because he is a baby but I know Spencer hates it. Ben freaked out yesterday when Mufasa died and he refused to calm down until he saw you. Its glaring me in the face that he needs you. I know I need you too but what I don't need is to feel like I am a shrew for asking you something needs to be done about Elizabeth." I put my hands over my eyes because I really dont want Nikolas to see me cry while he tells me I am being ridiculous.

"Britt please don't cry please..." wraps his arm around me and outs his head on my shoulder and I just keep crying. He starts whispering me words of assurance but that only makes the tears roll down faster.

"Britt I owe you an apology. Obviously the Elizabeth issue is one that really takes a toll on you and I never realized how much until now. I am sorry for making you feel like you were being ridiculous when you are completely justified. I know that now because I feel the same way when I see you with people you have had romantic feelings for in the past." I know he means Patrick but the feelings for Patrick and what I feel for Nik its not even close, I know that Nikolas is the one for me and always will be and that is the problem.

"I know I am not fair to you but in the future I will try my best to be because living without you is so hard for me and Spencer and I can see it takes its toll on Ben and you too. Although I think I deserve to know about Ben's paternity because I don't want there to be any secrets between us I shouldn't have allowed Elizabeth to fester doubt in my mind."

"So it was that bitch! I can't compete with shut like that and I won't."

"You don't have to compete with anyone or anything. In my heart you are already my wife its just one day other people will know too. One of my promises to you will be I will not allow anyone no matter how long I have known them or who they are to me will ever get in between our family Elizabeth or otherwise. What we have is special and I won't let anyone ruin us."

"So what does this mean for us?"

"It means the ball is in your court now. I am doing what I can to make sure no one tramples on our love but you know how I feel about certain things. I am being truthful with you and you have to try to do that with me. I am not going to pressure you with a timetable because that would be wrong if me and I will never make a demand for something I know you clearly struggle with. I can only ask that you place your trust with me not force you too. Maybe one day the paternity thing won't matter to me but it does right now and I can't get past it. I want too but Britt I can't." I know in a normal world I would just disclose the fact that Jerry Jacks but right now I definitely can't no matter how much I want too.

"Is that all the truth you want to tell me?"

"No... I should tell you that Elizabeth did come to me once and tell me I shouldn't marry you without knowing that she was in love with me. That doesn't change how I feel about you or the intention of what I want. I told her she has to accept that you are the one I want and I have moved on. Maybe I would have been overjoyed if she had told me this before I fell so completely in love with you. I know the feelings I had with her never made me feel like you do. They don't make have the urge to cry for what could have been. I will tell Elizabeth one last time that her feelings are unrequited because they are. My whole heart rests in your hands only you can decide why you will do with it."

"I'm hungry!" Spencer is carrying Ben over and they sit down on the blanket like we weren't having our most important conversation ever! I guess that's how it is with kids they are either oblivious or don't give two shits. Ben crawls to Nikolas I guess he is trying to get as much time as he can because he doesn't kjnow the next time he will have this and it freaking sucks because I feel so guilty. Spencer is curled into my side and I can have it all if I just tell the truth and the temptation is overwhelming and I feel like I just might give in and then I think about my mom and how she might mess everything up and sobers me up. Maybe Nikolas and I can have an arrangement like this and he did say he maybe able to get past the paternity issues but I won't hold my breath. I know how he didn't know Spencer was his child for months and even though this is nothing like Nikolas's situation I can see why he needs the truth to move on. We all just try to enjoy the rest of the day and I think this day was vital for all of us. We each walked away with something we wanted. Ben obviously needed Nikolas and Spencer wanted to see me. Nik knows how I feel and I know how he feels too. Him saying things like I am the wife in his heart makes me believe that maybe we can get back to each other. Only time will tell and if Nik takes too long telling Liz to fall back or she decides she is hard of hearing I have no problems re-iteration it for her until she gets it.

**Britt has finally told Nik what she needs and how she feels about Elizabeth and her presence in their lives. Britt feels a tremendous amount of guilt because she feels backed into a corner. Her mother threatened her into silence and normally people are ready to call another person's bluff but we all know Dr. Obrecht has no qualms in executing a plan whether it involves her daughter or not. Britt wants her family to be whole but she isn't willing to gamble on their life with good reason. She is at a crossroads because Ben has already shown that he is affected by the difference he used to live with Nikolas and Spencer and now he lives in a hotel with Britt. Babies get acquainted with their surroundings and become aware of where their home is. Ben knows he hasn't been home in a while and this what he wants. Britt is starting to understand that isn't just Nik and her that are affected by this but the kids too and it only serves to make her feel worse and she just is at her wits end. Also on the professional front is doing well. Her brother's case is going ahead of schedule and it continues to look up because her friends/nurses will be there to help her and Patrick. **

**Speaking of Patrick what did you guys think of the baby food being eaten. In my head I thought it was a little funny. Also Sabrina and Patrick are not together in this. I don't think there ever will be a story where I have them together. To DecemberPaintedWings Gabriel doesn't exist and I couldn't have him exist here. Nothing I hate more than the killing of babies on soap operas. I don't even hate Sabrina but I don't even wish it for characters I did hate. Its a cruel fate to see that especially the amount of killing of babies across the soap opera spectrum in recent years it hurts viewers quite a bit but it never seems to stop. You won't be getting that here. Patrina won't be occurring here because like you I don't buy that couple. I wanted to tell you thank you so much for the comments they are always welcome and I always find myself agreeing with them and wanting to add my two cents as well. **

**Readers why do you think will happen between Britt and Nikolas? Do you think Nikolas will ever find out that Jerry Jacks is Ben's father or worse will someone else find out and try to expose Britt?**


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